Sunday, November 9, 2008


Series that should generate plenty of gag-scenes... but don't.

Just what is a gag-teaser? That's a series, which, due to type, normal plot-lines, and stars, co-stars, and guest-stars, should consistently produce good gag scenes, but inexplicably don't.

Over the years, there have been a number of shows that fall into this dubious category, but one series stands above (Below?) all others:

#1, and being first on this list means you really, truly, stink. How bad is SMALLVILLE when it comes to not gagging females?

Let's start with the premise and plot-lines. This is a series about Clark before he became Superman, or hell, even Superboy. Let that sink in: S-U-P-E-R-M-A-N.

Let's put aside the feature films, because, quite honestly, not seeing Margot "Ugliest Lois By Far Ever" Kidder and Kate "I used to be hot but now I'm an ABAC poster child " Bosworth in gags doesn't make me weep at all.

So on to the series and serials: 3 series, two serials. Number of gag scenes: Too many to list. More than I can count with both hands and feet. Quality? You kiddin' me? Teri Hatcher in all her pre-ABAC glory...

Including one of the great scenes of all time...

... and that's leaving out my choice as, if not the sexiest Lois ever, certainly in the top two, Phyllis Coates.

It's also doesn't include the various toon series that produced some nice scenes themselves:

SMALLVILLE? Now in it's 8th season, we have a grand total of... two. Three, I suppose if we count Chloe's "dental mouth spreader" and I don't, because I don't like `em and it's my article. (But feel free to count it if you choose.) I also don't count Lois' "one blurred frame" gag scene, if you even want to call it that. Even if one does count those others, my point remains because IMO, quality counts far, far, more than quantity.

Seven plus seasons, 22 episodes per year, and just two/three countable, forget good, gag scenes. None of which are particularly memorable, and only one/two with a series regular, Allison "Chloe" Mack:

It's not like they didn't have sufficient babes around to gag either. This series has had some major-league muffins on it:

Do you realize how difficult pulling that off is in a Superman series? One with action/adventure plot-lines? (Albeit with more than enough "Dawson's Creek" teen angst)

Damn near impossible, I'd say, at least so far as pure chance goes. I mean, TV writers aren't exactly the most inventive in the world. Even those who are at the tip-top when it comes to that skill (Buffy, Moonlighting, etc...) still manage to get at least a few of their female leads gagged once in a while.

I know, I know. You're thinking, "Vince, you're goofy. No way this is some plot. No way they're avoiding gags on purpose." I would tend to agree. Logic says so, but the odds... the odds say say otherwise.

Even some of the all-time gag-tease series produced more. Charlies Angels? At least 3 in 6 seasons. Wild Wild West? 2 for sure, but in only 4 seasons, and this show had no female leads.

So, am I crazy? Could this possibly be on purpose, or just an incredible coincidence? I have to lean on choice "A", because to me, all the evidence points that way, but give me your input. Also, any other series make your top gag-tease lists?


Anonymous said...

While I think you're definitely right on about Smallville's anti-gag conspiracy, it is worth noting that Erica Durance has in fact been gagged, in the episode "Arrow." But in keeping with the show's bizarre attitude, the gag scene was so brief as to be almost literally subliminal!

Even more offensive was "Tomb", where they strongly implied Lois was gagged but refused to show it until she had worked it off and it was left hanging around her neck (so technically it could have been a blindfold foe all we know ). Madness.

Pat Powers said...

Do you not count Chloe's dental gag scene as a gag scene?

The Greyman said...

" is worth noting that Erica Durance has in fact been gagged.

I went back and altered my article to reflect that scene and one other I forget, but really, you gonna stand there and tell me you count a blurred single frame shot as an actual gag scene? Gimmie a break.

The Greyman said...

"Do you not count Chloe's dental gag scene as a gag scene?"

Personally, I don't. Mouth spreading/opening devices definitely have their uses (Ahem*), but as gags they don't toot my horn at all. I did go back and alter the article to reflect that error, however. Thanks.

Racingfan said...

The selection of Smallville is right on the money. When I did previews at, my advice on this show was simple. Don't bother. Let the many who record and suffer each week be your guide and just watch the message boards. If anything pops, you can easily catch it on a rerun or in syndication.

Anonymous said...

Are you sure that Lois Lane toon pic is from one from the animated series? It seems like a fan-made creation to me.

Pat Powers said...

Personally, I don't. Mouth spreading/opening devices definitely have their uses (Ahem*), but as gags they don't toot my horn at all. I did go back and alter the article to reflect that error, however. Thanks.

That's fair enough. I don't think handgags are gags, though I know there are a lot of guys that do. That's fine with me.

It IS amazing the way some shjows you think would be productive are almost totally nonproductive, and others are. Xena: Warrior Princess had all sorts of great, imaginative bondage scenes. Smallville's been a total loser. It's really hard to fighre out who's going to be a winner and who won't.

DarinaTV said...

This is really sad. I would love to see Erica Durance with the duct tape on her mouth or cleave-gagged at least for one minute. Clark's mother would also look great with the gag

For Anonymous: That picture is probably a fan creation but similar scene happened in Batman/Superman Movie where Lois was kidnapped by Joker and Harley Quinn and bound and gagged but the gag was white OTM.

Anonymous said...

Smallville is bad for damsels, but at least it's delivered more than the WWE. That would make the top of my gag tease list. All those babes, and they don't deliver a scene.

Granted what we've got has been excellent (the Trish scene was worth the wait), but there should be more.